} Emilynn :D my love for you <#3

Went to Batam with Baby on the 24th-16th(Sun-Tues). It was really fun and we spent a whole great deal of fun eating all the really nice food. And not forgetting making the people remember us. Ok. That's between me and Baby. =p

It was really fun spending time together in a foriegn country. Sleeping together side by side though we actually have totally different sleeping timings! It's like after shopping Baby went back to sleep. Till maybe like 8pm when we go for dinner? After dinner I'll be the one sleeping. Yea. So it's like duh!

And Baby had a whole lotta fun kicking me outta the bed. Cause I just simply refuse to get up to get prepared to leave. Yeap, expected. When I got outta the bathroom, Baby was sleeping. It's really funny the both of us.

And continuously 2days trying to snap my picture while I was brushing my teeth ass.. Hmm. And I have to admit I guilty-ly refuseto take pictures cause I was without makeup. =p Hey I was just too afraid to look ugly can. Who doesn't?

I can't forget that ass dancing in the walkway. Was that even Ballet?! And he just loves throwing me in the walkway and running straight into the room leaving me outside!

But still I love that ass so much!!!!!!

Hmm. I thought I could be like all my other girlies. Blogging every single shit in their blog. It was suppose to be our some sorta venting shit? Suppose to be the only thing that takes our every single word. Suppose to be the only one that listens?

I realised I was wrong.

Cause every of our complaint goes out to everybody who comes and reads our every lil shit. Ok. It's wrong.

And I've realised all the wrong things I've been doing all this while that didn't occur to me. I've been thinking so much that I don't know where I am. It's like you no longer know what's really right and wrong. Or have I been like this all this while? I guess so.

It's not like I wanna be like this. It's not like I wanna think of all the shit. It's not like I wanna believe in whatever people says. It's not like I wanna keep running. It's not like I like being cheated.

JUST WHEN YOU PEOPLE STOP SAYING I'M NAIVE!!!!

Even people I know for a week is saying the same shit. Just what wrong have I done. Thanks Darell. But you don't know me. Or is it that I'm that plain Jane you people see commonly on the streets that it only takes a day to see me throughout.

If you ask me what this whole post is about. I'll tell you I don't know. Cause there's just so much I wanna say. But somehow it just comes out in bits and pieces. And words just can't seem to describe my feelings..

Your words made me realised how wrong I am. It's been running through my brain over and over again. It made me realised and see what I've been doing all this while. Was I really all that you've said. It didn't occur to me.. It was really heart breaking to know that all this while I've been such a bitch.

To simply put it, I'VE BEEN A BIG FAT FU*KING LIAR! AND A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE!

Just who am I to say...
I don't know anything at all..

The bestest thing that has happened on Earth..

10:32 PM

Happy 4th months to us. =D

Woke up at 9am.

Was woken by by the phone ringing. We were all really really tired. Woke Baby up to pick up the phone. And so we both woke up and started clearing all the trash.

By then only Shine was there.

Left at 10am. Walked all the way outside to the the bus stop outside Elias mall. Waited for about 15mins and there wasn't any cab in sight at all. So we all decided to go get breakfast. =)

After breakfast Shine and Baby and me shared a cab. I went back to Baby's place. Continued sleeping till 6plus pm where Baby went to work.

Took a cab. Fetched Baby to Clarke Quay 1st before going back to AMK.

Rested at home. Went down to smoke when Vid called. So she was like so stress about her bf and everything. And yes, asked to go club. So yea, why not? I wasn't of the best of mood too anyway. Might at well just relax and enjoy?

Sigh~I didn't enjoy at all. The minute I reached there. I saw 'em. I predicted something was gonna happen and I put it aside. Thinking why should I allow others to spoil my day?

Well, saw Rose there. =) Hugged and talked a lil while.

Went in. Q-ed for drink and saw Nadia there. =) She's actually one of my malay friends I know in the club. Have been seeing each other so often in club, and we enjoyed dancing with each other. So naturally become friends. =)

Joined their table instead of with Rose. Cause she was with her other friends. So well, joined my malay gfs.

Went to the toilet where we were greeted by a group of malay girls? One of ém were practiacally kissing me all over! And we were all exchanging praises and yea, we love each other! Crap.

Went out to dance and all. I so just love meeting new girls everytime. =)

Vid was drunk by 3am? Puked and all and cried so hard.. The new girls we met actually actually saw and came over. And they got so protective and aggressive and started shouting for her bf to hear cause she was talking on the phone.

Went to the toilet the second time and I was outside with Nadia smoking.

Went into the club again while waiting for Vid. Went home after that.

Well, I didn't know what to do. Is it time I start doing something? Cause Those bitches just wouldn't let me off? I went away when they should be the one going away. I closed an eye to what they did when I had all the reasons to do all shit to 'em. I kept quiet when I had all the reasons to screw them upside down.

If I had any chance to get a massage across I sOooooOooo will do it. I'll gladly tell 'em I'm gonna forgive how childish they had been all this while? Trying to say 2 different stories infront of different people? And trying to make us split? Trying to meet him and talk to him BEHIND my back cowardly and trying to play gangster? And keep trying to make me the bad person by saying all the bad things I had done which wasn't true?

I can forgive you!

Stop doing all this small lil lil things cause it wouldn't help at all. If the relationship between you and him could be salvaged I would have backed off. I told you before I'll back off no matter how deep my love was. I even apologised! But it doesn't seems to be the case. I'm sorry..

I so don't know what is expected of me and what I can do to stop all this. I know apologising wouldn't help. I know closing an eye for everything and pretending wouldn't help. I know there's only one thing which is bothering 'em, which is me being with him.

I've been eating the humble pie all along. Just what else is expecting from me? I'm a victim too! Why am I being looked up upon as if I'm the vixen who spoily everything?

Just what exactly is your stupid dumb lame shit 3weeks compared to my 4months?

The bestest thing that has happened on Earth..

5:24 AM

Got woken up by Baby's friends!!!

Then Cindy woke up. Shortly after I woke up and went down to look for Cindy too. Well, bith of us are just simply one of a kind. Cause we simply just can't get back to sleep after waking up.

Yea. Went down to looked for Cindy and she was playing mahjong with Baby's friends. Went to cook cup noodles for breakfast. =) I was bored. So I took my lappy in and played games.

Shortly after darlings Cheryl and Celeste came. Crapped hell lots in one of the rooms. It was a really good catching up session. As well as a bitching session. Ok Celeste. You were really mean cause you didn't shared much. Or perhaps it was a good thing? Cause it simply meant nothing bad happen at all? =D

And dearest Cheryl. Please cheer up!!!!

Yea. We missed times in secondary school. The good old times. =) Though we were kinda having someone missing from the group? But I guess it doesn't really makes much difference. Yea?.. =p Went down to played cards. Ha!

Baby woke up. Went to cook. And he had his photos taken! Ha! Ok. They were all amazed Baby knows how to cook. LOL! God~

He cooked eggs. The girls tried 'em and all said it was good. Ha.

Yea. The girls went off shortly after. Greatly missed by me. Bad timing perhaps. Though times were really short. I appreciate 'em greatly for making the trip down. Thanks buddies. =D I had lotsa fun chatting with you guys.

Went back to chalet and I had my lunch prepared by Baby..

It was really surprising. And it tasted good alright!

Halfway through Zhenghao called asking about me being hospitalised. So I invited 'em over to have a lil chit-chat session.

Had a card playing session, and Zhenghao was winning like crap! Money was small issue. I'm gad I won 6 chocolate bars from him!

Night came. Few of Baby's friend came over. Baby started cooking a lil.

Then Shine arrived. Followed by Xiao Bai and Cheryl. And we started our BBQ. Baby had all the food cooked. I'm so touched. =p

While playing cards. something happen. Not gonna say what but I'm so angry with you Baby.

Then Baby wasn't around. And things wasn't right at all. Ok. We hated this big ass in the chalet. And I was actually having a big arguement with him. There was this girl who came and I don't know why she started to act weird. Not knowing why at first. So I just pretended nothing happen and continued playiong games with my gfs.

Then Baby got back..

Then Stella arrived with bf. She was so god darn late. Food was almost finished. I'm so sorry guys! Then Wendy came, my dearest bf! Ha!

Then I knew what happened. That girl was thinking me and darlings were talking about her? Well I'm so sorry you had that impression but how could we be so against you when you just walked in suddenly? And I'm so sorry you had to stare at me when Baby introduced me to you.

You know it's realy wrong to start assuming things and start acting all weird. Cause be glad I'm the girl you were against. Cause imagine it was others? You came to her chalet and create problems like this. It was a stricty no lians chalet for god's sake. And be humble since you're going to other people's chalet? Even though you might be someone all mighty outside?

Misunderstands were shortly cleared by Baby. But somehow things were already spoilt. Everything was wrong already. Thanks to you babe. =)

And Serena popped by a lil while. Had a lil mahjong session then zao also! Darn. Anyway thanks for coming. =)

Didn't know why but Cindy and sis decided to go out to have a lil walk. Then Stella went off already. Ad so we girls went to the room and played games while drinking. =)

Baby was so busy playing mahjong an he texted me late for wishing me a happy 4th month. Ok. So you wouldn't know about it if I hadnt texted you. Disappointed!

We had losta fun! And Shine was so sway can. Cause we were playing the card opening game and every card opened has a meaning to it. And she was so sway she kena 2 dare cards! One was to dance. And the other was to shout "I Love You..." Ha.

Then Cindy came back in a rush saying she had to leave. Sigh~ I was reluctant to let her go but I had no choice. Hmm...

Went down after awhile. Chilled there and stuffs. Cheryl and Xiao Bai had Macdonalds. Ha.

I was really tired by 5am? So Baby pacified me and we went to bed. Then Ciao Bai and Cheryl went out at 6am. =(

Ok. I don't know if anything happned at all. And my day ended there!

The bestest thing that has happened on Earth..

5:55 AM

17th Augest 2008

Baby woke up late at probably 6pm? Met up with him initially to go get food. But end up went for mahjong session instead.

Had a big fight before that. No comments.

18th Augest 2008

Had mahjong session till about like 7am? chilled till like don't know what time? And we had to wait till 12noon, go get food and check into the chalet. It was really hard not to sleep and continue go get things done. Darn..

Went back to Baby's place. Chenged and stuffs and went down to Loyang Point get food. It was really fun initially and heart breaking after that. Cause our spending were much more then expected. Sigh~

Checked in to the chalet and we were so energetic cause it was so gorgeous! Then Baby went to prepare stuffs. I was really guilty then. Cause I was the only girl yet I didn't know how to do anything. Ha! So I was there playing my lappy, and all the guys were preparing the food.

After preparation we all went to sleep. But woke up shortly after by Mr Fat Fat's doings. He's a realy really really mean boy. Duh~!

Night came and we started the BBQ. Baby cooked this for me despite the rain. How sweet!

Ok. We had a pet cat for the day. And she was so irritating that I screwed her!

Then Cindy came. I'm so glad she came alone just to keep me accompany throughout the night!

Talked with me and stuffs while Baby had to entertain all his friends and them getting drunk!

We were actually talking and watching the cats. And it's really amazing how deaf people can get while they wer actually playing mahjong. Cause Cindy were nice enough to feed the cats when one of 'em scratched her wanting her to put the food down and scram. I was so pissed off I wasnted to chased it away! And while watching one of 'em fought and we screamed so loudly. But no one knew we screamed. Hmm..

Then Cindy got changed and she had this really cool tee. I played a prank on Baby and it was so darn funny. Just look at that!

Ok. The day didn't seem to end well at all. Had a big fight before turning in for the night. Sigh~

The bestest thing that has happened on Earth..

7:43 AM

Went back to work today for just one day. Well, I'm just happy to see the usual people. And they just seems to make working fun. Got to know this auntie. Was her 1st day of work. Ha. Promoting kitchen ware. And she made coffee for me. =P It was delicious lah! Duh~

Expensive coffee maker. And just like this will actually already cost 1.5k.

Today was also the start ogf my quit smoking day. =P I didn't smoke all the way till I met Baby. Where I took one from him. I was feeling down. So down. I needed to. Cause there didn't seem to be a reason to quit anymore.

After work went to look for Baby. Had to take something from him.

I don't understand things at home anymore.

It was just a blouse. A piece of cloth to be precise. It was so god darn important that I had to forgo resting after working just to get that piece of cloth home. They didn't bother if I was feeling better? If my puking had stopped?

And making his gf stay was so much more important than ensuring her daughter safety? Or rather, making that fat piece of meat stay..

No doubt I do feel the care and concern. But somehow I'm nothing at all. I no longer feel that I stand a place at home. Forget it.

Well, today got function and I so wanna go. But Duh~!

Then at night kept receiving text messages and calls. And it all totall spoilt my day.

Than I just couldn't stand being alone at night speculating so I went down to get a drink and a pack of cig.

I cried, I talked, I screamed and I went on and on..

Things like that just seems to keep happening. And there always seems to be a reason for it even though I dont like it.

Went back home. Baby knew something was wrong. And he came over to keep me accompany though he was really tired.

It hasn't been easy right from the start. And I'm amazed I'm still continuing the journey despite all. =)

The bestest thing that has happened on Earth..

5:03 AM

I don't know..

Why should I stop myself just at this point when things being done and shown are telling me it's not worth it. Why should I be giving up things I love when it's not worth it again? Why should things be given and happiness be made for unworthy reasons?

I keep thinking..

Just how long more can I continue. To be stupid, to be all their fool. To pretend I ain't hurt, to put up with all the nonsense.

Just yesterday, for a split sec, I was hoping I really had the need to go for an op. To compare which pain was more unbearable.

I do love you, but I don't know how long more can I continue 'acting'..

Will I be allowed?

The bestest thing that has happened on Earth..

5:58 AM

Cleared my room after reaching home. Yea. I didn't rest. I felt so uneasy. And somehow I had the urge to spent my time in a more meaningful way.

Met Baby up at night. Went for movie. Then went back to my place.

Perhaps it's only after you've been through things then will you realise the pain and feelings involved.

We always say yes we do understand. Infact we don't. The feelings you have there are merely sympathy, fear and blah blah blah. But not real pain, real sadness.

Well, this lesson was a good one. I finally know and feel all the pain involved. The sadness of being alone in the hospital. The fear of being injected time and again, results of scans. It was terrible. I couldn't remember just how many times I cried. And how much fear I had within me.

The bestest thing that has happened on Earth..

11:45 PM

11th Augest 2008

Went to visit Baby's Grandma in hospital.

After that went to Baby's friend's house for mahjong. Started at about 11pm? I was really really tired. Than it all started at about 3am. When I started to feel that sharp pain in my tummy. Told Baby I wanted to rest at the sofa.

Laft at about 4am. I have t[ admit I hated her for pestering Baby and DRAGGING time. I looked fine but I WASN'T! And she was like wasting time and telling Baby why you so bad one cause Baby was haeding to my home instead of Tampiness and wasn't able to send her back.

Puked immediately when I reached home. Baby wasn't feeling very well too. But I was worse. I tried to force myself to sleep after Baby applied medicated oil on my tummy as instructed by mummy..

12th Augest 2008

Woke up 30mins later. Went in and outta the room. Lying here and there. Crying all over. Tried going back to sleep a few times but couldn't be done. The pain was unbearable. And I puked for the second time.

Called mummy crying. Mummy rushed back home and brought me to the doctor. Doctor suspected it was appendicities and wrote a letter asking mummy to admit me to the hospital.

Went back home first.

Mummy woke Baby up and all of us went to the hospital. Mummy went to work after that. While waiting I was actually more then fine to be able to talk so much crap.

But after consulting the doctor, I was quickly put on the trolley and inserted with the drip. Yeap. I cried!!!! It was so god darn painful and I've always been afraid of needles. Sigh~ Luckily Baby was there. =)

Yeap. This was my fate!

After Baby accompanied me fot a lil while, Baby went to the hotel to sleep. And I fell asleep in the hospital. Sigh~ So wasted. Both of us were suppose to hotel together Baby had won. Now I couldn't go and it couldn't be cancelled. Sigh! I'm so sad!

But as stubborn as I was. I decided to make so much noise, trying to talk to the doctors and persuading them to let me go.

Instead of persuading them to let me go, I was talked into staying. I cried again. Yeap, I stayed.. Mummy seems to want me to stay so much and was so worried, I didn't dare say no..

Baby came shortly after. Just nice I had to go for the X-ray. Then mummy went dinner with Baby. Hmm.

After awhile mummy went back. Pulling Baby home too. Humph! Ok. Baby went home to get my bao bao and hp charger.

After that Baby came back. Accompanied me till 11pm plus before heading back to the hotel.

13th Augest 2008

Baby came to visit me. I was in the process of drinking this super foul smelling medicine that looks like water and the smell is so not appealing that it was really really hard to drink it. And guess how much I had to drink. The size of one water bottle!!! I had to drink it to go for the CT scan.

Baby waited till I had to go for the scan before going for his lunch.

Baby came back mins later and surprised me with this!

It was so darn cute!!!! And I loved it soooo much!!!

Ok. So now, look at my bed, it doesn't look like a bed that belongs to a 18 year old lady at all! And Baby did this! LOL~

I admit, I didn't wear their clothes at all. Cause it wasn't nice at all and I'll look really stupid in it!!! So I refised not to wear it even though several nurses and doctors asked why didn't I change. I don't care!!! =p

My towels and the clothes I'm suppose to wear..

And I gotta tell you guys something really really funny. This hapens everytime I go to the toilet to relieve myself. Cause I was on drip, so when I go to the toilet I had to bring the drip bag with me.

And whenever I get back to bed, I'll realised my blood was flowing back to the drip bag instead of flowing in!!!

The funniest thing was when Baby saw it he was like "OMG". And called for the nurse to help me. Ha!!!

Baby went to get his meal and got me magazines too. =P And left shortly after. SAD!

Initially the CT scan was the result if I really had appendicities. So results will be out by 7pm. And it did came and it was negative! I was so so so happy. Cause it simply meant I didn't have to go for AN OPERATION ANYMORE!!!!

But darn results came after discharging time so means that I couldn't be discharge till tomorrow. But hey, I was able to eat already! Cause I was on drip and was to be fasted. Darn. I was really hungry can.

Food wasn't appealing. But it was still ok lah. Sigh~

Then mummy came. And said, "Why didn't you tell me you could eat already so I could bring you food from home." Sian. I wished I know why too. Duh~!

Ok. Since I culd eat already I needn't be in drip liao. So it was taken out. =D

Ben came to look for me at night. Cause he had to pass me some papers since I had to go back to office. And we both realised I had a tracker on me.

And I was so so so tempted to go clubbing! I actually tried slipping the band outta my hand without trying to break it. And I did it alright!!!

Ok. So we went down to talk and chill. Then went back to the ward. Ben left only at 1plus after making sure I was tired already. Cause he knew I was really scared and he ownself saw what was going on lah. The screaming and stuffs. Duh~

14th Augest 2008

I was being woken up at 7plus am just to allow the dooctors to check my tummy! Crap.

And then breakfast came. It was really blend and I couldn't taste anything. I nearly died.

And I had to take one more extra medicine today. sad! And thanbk god I was able to request having the capsules opened up and dissolving it in water and drinking it. Ok. Cause I couldn't swallow pills yea? ha.

Lunch came. I nearly died again.

I have no idea what this green paste was! It seems like vegetables going made into a paste-like form. Eww~!

Then nurse came to say I could go. I take the chance not to eat the food. Feeling really bad. I made a heart shape with the paste. Hoping they'll understand that I really "love" the fodd but I had to go without finishing it. =p

And now I'm home!!! I'm so happy!!!!